This is a later edit and first draft translation of the original Romanian text below.
Kicked off texts but not finished, lost in My Documents jungle, autumn has started munching the margins of the leaves, you cannot find one street without fallen leaves, it’s here, and I’m being hit by melancholia, I am thinking about anniversaries. My brothers’, whom I have almost forgotten about. No present. Not to him, not to somebody else. I don’t even know what present. I will eventually forget all about it. I am getting ready for the summer school; they should call it by a different name, but who has heard about fall school? At the seaside! One year ago I was having my accident and then I had planned to write a postcard for PostSecret, which has never happened, although I have clipped some stuff from a magazine. I got carried away, far away, forgot about it, to think how I have been strolling through last year’s raining, it’s good to have a car. It was a beautiful day, the day I took my car back, in Brasov, even if the air conditioning was not working. That is what I like best about my car: running, air conditioning and the music. I was driving windows rolled down, a nice drive and I have slept for one afternoon in V’s bed, at her folks, and I felt like I were truly human, that’s how beautiful their place is!
Yesterday I tried reading “Queer”, but not having finished “Junky”. The pleasure of reading has left me, all that remains is the taste of obligation and a stone instead of my stomach. Time pulls me on a track we both know, what we don’t know is who is the victim and who the executioner, we hold each other into our arms, and we’re desperately kicking each other’s legs. I should say “It’s just memories I am left with” and I should feel like the elderly. Smile. I have invented the English word “criley”, it’s a smiley that’s crying. Criley. And then I brighten up, I remember how she was hopping, like a bead getting loose from its thread, beautiful and crazy, and for a split second I would’ve wanted… And then again I am aware it is not worth it, it is as good as it gets.
I’d like to hold every one of you in my arms, I miss you, even if you are here, and I feel like beating you for not having the time.
Yesterday I loved everybody.
Texte incepute si neterminate in fisiere Notepad ratacite in jungla My documents, toamna a ros marginile frunzelor, nu e strada pe care sa nu gasesti frunzele cazute, a venit, ma apuca melancolia, ma gandesc la aniversari. Pe a fratelui meu aproape ca am uitat-o. Cadou nu i-am luat. Nici lui, nici altcuiva. Nici nu stiu ce. Pana la urma o sa uit. Ma pregatesc de scoala de vara, ar trebui sa-i schimbe numele, dar cine a auzit de scoala de toamna? La mare! Acum un an, faceam accident si pe urma am planuit sa scriu o vedere pentru
PostSecret, nu am facut-o nici pana azi, desi am decupat niste chestii dintr-o revista. M-a luat valul, am uitat, si cat am mai umblat prin ploaia de anul trecut, e bine sa ai masina. A fost o zi frumoasa ziua in care am recuperat-o de la Brasov, chiar daca nu-i mergea aerul conditionat. Asta imi place cel mai mult la masina mea, ca merge, ca are aer si muzica. Am mers cu geamul jos, un drum frumos si am dormit o dupa-amiaza in patul lui V, la ai ei, si m-am simtit ca un om, atat e de frumos acolo!
Ieri am incercat sa citesc “Pederast”, dar nu terminasem “Junky”. A plecat placerea lecturii, am ramas cu un gust de obligatie si de piatra in loc de stomac. Timpul ma trage pe un traseu pe care il stim amandoi, nu mai stim care dintre noi e victima si care e calaul, ne tinem in brate, io si cu timpul, si ne tragem la gioale cat putem. Sa zic “doar amintirile mi-au mai ramas” si sa ma simt de varsta a treia. Zambet. Am invetat cuvantul englezesc criley, adica un smiley care plange. Criley. Pe urma ma inseninez, imi-aduc aminte cum topaia ea, ca o margea scapata de pe fir, frumoasa si nebuna, si pentru o fractiune de secunda as fi vrut… Si pe urma stiu iar ca nu merita, mai bine nu se poate.
As vrea sa va iau pe toti in brate, mi-e dor de voi, chiar daca sunteti aici, si imi vine sa va bat fiindca nu avem timp.
Ieri am iubit pe toata lumea. Smiley.