So why do I dislike bisexuals
I have decided to write a post about this, since there was a comment-question during the discussion here.
I don’t dislike bisexuals. And I don’t like them either. Likewise with the other socio professional groups, I like some gay, I like some heterosexuals, and even like some bi people. But when talking about my dating preference, well, I prefer my men to be gay. I have my reasons, quite subjective, after all this is a matter of opinion. When we choose our partner we all discriminate the whole world against him or her. So there, this discrimination is OK. I would be quite concerned for the mental well being of anybody who would tell me they are open to just anybody. Nobody can be willing to do anybody, wouldn’t you agree?
Which sort of brings me to my rather subjective preference for gays gay men rather then bisexuals partners. I am not saying bisexuals would do anybody irrespective of their sex, I am just saying they might be a bit “closer” to that situation than your average gay Joe. If I were dating a bisexual, he would be able to choose between me, other men and other women he likes. And I resent this kind of possibility of competition.
I also prefere to date guys who are out or at least clearly comfortable with what who they are. Let me put it this way: I know few gay people that are out, and I do not know of any bisexual that is out. Mostly because bisexuals don’t have to be “out” if they are not partnered to a partner of the same sex. Heck, this is the reason why I said I was being bisexual way back when I was just beginning to make my coming out: it seemed easier to me to digest myself as being bisexual, than being gay. When I was saying I was bisexual I was also programming the others to say “He is only wrong sometimes”. Time has passed, I have learned to accommodate myself with myself first, and I have learned there is nothing wrong with being gay. Nor with being bisexual for that matter. Nor with any of the other sexual identities one might have. As long as I am ready to socialize with anybody irrespective of their gender, race, sexual identity, age etc. I can safely discriminate in my bed, to my own liking. But that is not anybody’s business but my own.
Hey, that’s cheating! You said, in the title, that you disliked bisexuals, and there I was beside my self with curiosity, but then it turns out you don’t! No fair!
guess the intro part is kinda useless: u hate whoever u like.
the “competition” part i dont get: after all the whole sex-game IS about competition [for gay ppl too, i suppose]
also, i think there are statistically more [genuine] bi ppl than gay ppl, so i guess just a fraction of em use it as a “mask” of smth.
but i kinda get ur point of view now, thx for the detailed answer.
@ Vlad, hahaha, you make me laugh
Not only now.
@ strelnikov, as I was saying it’s all a matter of opinion. Only, on my blog, my opinions are better than anybody else’s
And that’s fair because anybody can have their own blog, after all >:) Let me state another thing about competition. Competition has to be fair and that is to be ensured by the competition organizer as well as by the competitors themselves. I don’t know anything about box, except maybe that the boxers compete in different categories. Now, a straight woman should not be my competition, she is in a different category, if you get what I’m saying.
dude dont fu*kin state all that about free opinions & so on each time u say smth, all that liberal sh*t givs me da creeps.
as for categories - em are like rules: boring. u can “justify” em & so on, but in the end they take more than they give. thats why K1 is more fun than boxing aint it.
guess if u can beat down even a female thats twice as much fun for u.
dude, let me approve your comment for now and maybe if I feel like it, I will comment on it tomorrow. Comment moderation makes me king of this blog, there is no democracy about it. Not even a liberal one. A matter of opinion is TOTALLY different from free opinion. I don’t dig K1, and I don’t dig boxing. And I don’t want to beat down anyone. A woman is not a female, and I don’t want to hate full stop. You’re walking on thin ice, and quite frankly my readers won’t be that shocked if none of your future comments will be published here. Nighty-night.
yup really hard to find such a collection of boring cliches nowadays - except in the gay community.
Everyone has the right to choose who to date and so on… But, I wonder, what if you fall in love with a bisexual? You push him away only because you fear a certain competition? It is very intriguing to me to see how people who are not bisexual, even though they once pretended to be :), try to figure out how relationships work for bisexuals
Believe me, it is much more simple than it seems: you either like a man or a woman, you either love a man or a woman. I seldom met people who could play both fields at the same time. And they were nymphomaniacs :))
hey! Hi, and welcome, and apologies for leaving your comment to yeast for so long. Well, the answer is only too apparent, isn’t it? Of course, falling for bi guys has already happened. I won’t go into much details, it’s history , after all, and, as a consequence of this, I avoid bisexuals to prevent falling for them. Smart readers you are, so you have figured it out by now I don’t have anything against falling in love, but I do have something against being hurt. So, there, one more time, explicitly. I don’t date bisexuals to prevent falling for them to prevent being hurt. I have been hurt. Without fail. And I am not into that game. Anymore.
And, if a bi-sexual man can chose beetween a man, another man and a women… a gay man can’t do the same, with 2 men or with 3? Or more? Even if that guy is in a relace!
yes, a gay man can. And he most probably will choose from 2, 3 or more. Pretty much as sure as a bisexual man will choose to appear in a relation with a woman when he has to choose from women and gay men. Or at least this has been my experience so far. That has lead to building my filter. And that’s how things are. I apologize, but I am quite aware I cannot make everybody happy.
Hey, I have a curiosity and I haven’t had the time to share it with my shrink. So here goes:
how come when I’m in Romania, my birthplace, I tell everyone I’m gay and I really don’t have a problem with that, but when I go to university, in the UK, I tell everyone I’m “bisexual” and I even find it hard to say.
How do you explain THAT? I’m really interested in hearing what you think, because all my possible explanations lead to a very serious problem
biphobia is something real in the gay community… i’m talking in general terms, in a perfect world, where bisexuals are really bisexuals. dragos bucuresci has a great text about biphobia. the problem is, i think, that romania is full of phony bisexuals. in the obtuse mind of a gay person it better/”more acceptable” socially speaking if you’re bisexual. there are, of course, theories saying that bisexuality doesn’t exist. imagine those real bisexuals who are forced by their partners to choose-one side or another… it’s just cruel. but imagine this: according to freud (and kinsey later) YOU we’re born bisexual, we’re (or we were) bisexuals. so in a sophist mind, the syllogisms’ result would be that you hate yourself…:P
@plastic soul, the only problem in my opinion, and mind you I am just a pretend shrink, is that you feel compelled to say two different things about who you are depending on the environment in which you are at a certain time. I cannot believe a change in latitude can bring about a change in sexual behaviour and identity. So you’re definitely looking the wrong way.
Which reminds me of the words of my wise friend Stingo: “bisexuals here tend to be hetero, while there they tend to end together with same sex partners”. I have been thinking about that. I guess here, social acceptance/acceptability is more important than personal gratification. There (I am talking about Western societies) “people” seem to care less about the people around them, so in turn the individual feels more secure and more oriented to his or her own personal goals. Am I making any sense? Oh, and I do not claim I am right in an absolute way.
@wannabegay, I am not biphobic, I just have mixed feelings about Bucurenci. And I totally agree with you about Romania and phony bisexuals. What else? We make choices every day, it’s not always cruel. I used to like Freud, but neither him, nor Kinsey are God. Not even the supreme authority in psychology. And I would say a lot of things about me, just read my 2000 entries dating back to August 2003 :), but I wouldn’t go that far to say I hate myself.
nice try, do come again.
@monsoux: i did mention in my comment that i was just making a sophism…:P now… about freud or kinsey… freud started the road to discovering human sexuality, but at one point (after he said we’re born bisexuals) he said we shift towards the “right” way, heterosexuality (and gays&lesbians just stagnate). kinsey took freud’s idea and transformed it in the most important theory about sexuality. since kinsey, the ideas about sexuality haven’t changed that much. i know, i know, not everyone in the scientific community agrees with kinsey, but we must admit that since then, nothing major made us wonder that much. of course, the recent discoveries are kind of shaking kinsey’s theory… i’m talking about studies made on monozygotic twins, we’re they prove that twins that have same dna and are raised in different environments do have the same sexual orientation. if this is right, kinsey might have a problem. till then, he is a God in queer studies… now, back to the subject debated here… you say we make choices every day. well, when it comes to sexual orientation, it’s not an easy choice, like how much sugar you’re gonna put in your coffee today. it’s about who you are. i admit, though, that i used to dislike bisexuals. i’m talking about the romanian ones. i used to think that even though they were out (and proud), they were more closeted than the married gays. more, i used to say that they want so much to agree with the social norms that they convince themselves they like girls. now, i realize it’s not the case. sexuality is a big (BIG!) unknown. i actually saw a documentary about str8 guys who enjoyed transvesting. i also saw guys buying real size dolls and treated them as their lifepartners. so sexuality is a great, mysterious thing! but deep in a gay persons’ psych, i would understand why one would dislike dating bisexuals. because of a perverted society that shapes us in a perverted way. let me explain myself: society’s model citizen is male, white, christian, str8. so a bisexual is closer to the “ideal” model than a gay person. he can be with a women, like society likes it! so in a relationship (bi+gay) the bisexual will always have some sort of superiority. at any point that bisexual can avoid the discrimination and can choose “the other way”. i know it might sound crazy or stupid, but remember i’m not talking about the conscious level, but rather about the unconscious part of our brains.
*WHERE they prove….//// twins that have THE same dna…///i admit, ALTHOUGH…/// my mistakes… a result of too much enthusiasm…
@monsoux, well it doesn’t make a lot of sense to me, because in Romania I feel more comfortable with who I am, whereas in the UK I feel embarassed to aknowledge my sexual orientation to my colleagues at uni.
you’d think it should be the other way around, but it isn;t
Assuming there’s enough reason to grant bisexuals enough lebesraum outside some academia textbook, I don’t date bisexual guys. I mean it’s their business how they get in and out of relationships, and which sex they date. But it’s like diagrams, you know, I don’t fit in a bisexual guy’s dating diagram simply because I don’t want to be there. And if they have a dating preference, then I’m entitled to have mine.
I cannot be more graphical than that.
And this is not biphobia. This is a process of natural selection that’ll push phony bisexuals into their respective pigeonholes
Oh, and, Aynan (what kind of name is that? is it a stage name?), what’s a relace? My English cannot grasp that. *angel*
4 comments in moderation, and my inspiration to reply is nowhere to be found. Sorry guys, I’m trying to buy some time here with this lame excuse.