Entries Tagged as 'deep-pressed'

I’ll be damn if my shuffle is not speaking to me

So here I were with my thoughts, longings and mostly feelings, loading the washing machine. And as if the day couldn’t go any worse, despite the sun shining in the sky, yes, there is no connection between the weather and one’s mood, my iPhone started to shuffle into my ear.

First there was this lady, Amy.  Then there were these guys. And I was listening to the words like they were talking to me, like I was talking to myself. I know, it’s crazy, I am crazy sometimes. Reassuringly enough, we all are.

Good to go

Good to go

Dismal setting

I am playing Lhasa’s Anyone and Everyone. In the background, the fridge is so full of beer.

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Emotionally distressed diet

Worried about the extra few centimeters/inches around your waist? I have the perfect solution: stress. Remember! what works for me might not necessarily work for you. I indulge myself. In loathing inclusive. First of all, forget about regular time for eating. Eat when you remember. Or don’t. When you do, do so excessively. You’ll be so sick you won’t need anything for a while. For instance, have what I had: green olives, cheese, and chocolate. Don’t forget to hydrate. For this use water and plenty of it. When under deadline related stress add a liter/gallon or more of coke, it will make you quicker. And, oh, if you can do this for more than two days without developing severe medical conditions, let me know.

Experiences like these lead to accidental discoveries. I am pretty sure this is how chocolate mints came about. Just mix Altoids with a lot of chocolate. You get the picture.

Domestic tragedy: my washing machine ate my beanie hat Victim of domestic aggression Closeup: the late beanie hat

Energie sandals

My Energie sandals are true rain machines. Remember the curse of the white pants? It’s either you have a very good memory, or I just give you the link. I have not been wearing my white pants in a while, but I had various fashionista trials with the said sandals. Yesterday it was the first time they failed to bring rain. There was only a drop in temperature.

This has been only an introduction to my true moaning and mourning. My allergy has not left me. Work still doesn’t work. And unfortunately other things in my life started to copy that pattern. I am talking about my Facebook account, my external hard disk, my project partners and a few other stuff.

On the bright side I have met with I-have-turned-in-my-resignation-within-my-first-eight-hours-at-work-and-of-course-I’ll-tell-you-why (and how) expert, the Stingo. Also, now I can print. In fact I have printed. My Apple based printing is irresistible.

Oh. And if at any time today you meet with a red bright light, don’t worry, it might be the spot on exactly the center of my forehead. It’s so eighties, for me.

I shine in the dark, I shine in the light

Dull

Have I ever been so paralyzed with indecision, fear and depression? I don’t remember. It’s happy hour for unpleasant cocktails. Only you have to drink and pay too.

Shoe in the sink

These days I am making peace

Roma tin foil roof in Dolj, January 2008

Definitely depressed. The weather, the allergy, everything makes me tired. Not enough sleep, everything seems indeed like an effort. Satisfactions run fast by to quickly fade and make way to problems. I am tired of being late with everything. It’s that need for a clean slate, because everything on your plate now is just too much, too greasy and too getting cold. Not too sure what the future has in store. Happiness is the now, not in the wish. Truly happy people don’t have wishes, but I guess it’s only a matter of expectations and perception.

In my dream this morning we were picknicking on the occasion of a gayfest. We were also being awarded a prize for a website. I am sure it was a dream, because (1) I am currently unable picknick, (2) the gayfest was in fact a harvest celebration in the countryside, the parade was a happy marathon through villages, and the villagers were all in aw and wonder; also it took place somewhere in Transilvania, I could tell by the villagers’ accent, and (3) you cannot be awarded a prize for a project you have not completed.

Yesterday I was advised to wear a protection helmet at the march, but I think the only head gear I am bringing is my brains.

Yesterday

It was gray. I woke up late and had a slow start. My laptop started to behave funny because of the power cord, and it’s been a while since I don’t have a battery. One of my best friends chose to fight me over the email. I wrote about three messages I have not sent because I don’t want to fight. Apparently my message did not get through. The media went crazy on me. Midday they wanted a declaration and a live appearance in the studio. So I did it. I got two texts afterwards. “I am seeing you on TV”. And “Oh, my, aren’t we full of expertise”. It was not my best TV appearance. So I have replied to the first sender accordingly, she sent back kisses. And to the second I have also replied, but in sarcastic tone and that silenced the exchange. Then we had someones belated birthday party in the ofice, and people were having fun and were being mildly mean. People around me are changing jobs, ending contracts, having babies, being in love, getting back to single-land, not returning calls. Some have even died. On my way back home I saw the aftermath of a car mini-motorcycle accident, adding to the awkwardness of the day. Watching Prison Break did not help. I miss my baby. With him I can more easily ignore all this crap that is not quite making any sense.

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Tonight, on repeat

El Presidente, Come On Now. And 7% beer. Fuck it all. Almost all.

850

Cluj, TIFF, 4 movies, I liked two: I really hate my job, and Albastru inchis aproape negru (will look for the original title soon), drive back, worried, tired, depressed, no Internet, no computer, no car, no going to work, many tasks, have I mentioned depressed? angry, been crying, no apparent reason, movies, music, depressed, lots of chocolate, I have to hurry finish this post, 118 people are waiting for me to deliver them home in another far away county. I “love”! being the bus-attendant… Birthday approaching. No plan. :( Depressed.