Precondition
(I am not thrilled to bottom for you, but) If you want to f*ck me, please have a hard-on. (And that’s the least you should do.)
Entries Tagged as 'this blog rated: Parental Guidance'
Howzit hangin’?
I’m writing this on a minute keyboard. It makes writing very painful. But there is no other connection for me to rant on. For some reason it’s a free day slash national slash populist celebration. God forbid anything fails you now, you are then officially fucked. The vet is celebrating 1st of May. So is the cable guy and the internet guys. Yes, I might have an internet addiction, but so far it’s been harmless.
Only now I am also hungry. The fridge was empty and so was my account too, thanks heavens for credit cards. So now I am drinking a dry white Castel Starmina. Not adviseable on an empty stomach, nor on a short temper. Nevertheless, I am a stilish bum, I challange you to state any different.
One last advice. Stay away from a controversy with me. I will orally sweep the floors with you when I’m like this.
Cheers and happy 1st of May to you too!
Even if you don’t plan to shake (hands) on it
People, start washing your hands, when you’re done with your toilet business. Man, you’re gross. Modern apes! Thinking your dick is the cleanest, the best thing… is the epitome of self-centered consumer culture that will lead to human destruction. Flash news, I don’t want anything to do with your dick.
Macro
Why do I get to see so clearly the power plug and carpet pattern down on the floor in your dick shot? Oh, wait! Why do I get to see your dick shot?
Supplementary endowment
So there I was, left with the laundry I had not … initiated. If it were by me, the dirty laundry business would have not been started at all that day. But I digress. So there I was, ranting about all these t-shirts one should wash inside out and about all these socks some men just place in the washing machine like an all together unwashable bud. Everybody knows these are the basic rules of washing. And everybody who knows them respects them. So how come some boyfriends chose to ignore them? Again? But I digress. Remember these gay designer briefs with white round dots increasing in size from the waste as they descend to, well, down there? And remember my point about how these briefs are designed to make your dick look bigger? And remember how you said “Really? I doesn’t look any bigger to me”? “I was totally unaware”, you said.
There I was, laughing. At a closer look not only these briefs had small plastic fake black diamonds on them! they also had a cup, a pouch, very much like a push up bra. Why? Oh, why? trust me, your dick is large enough.
Merry Russian Christmas
Where Russian is generic for all those celebrating their birth of Jesus by the old Julian calendar, on January the 7th. The picture shows Santa’s definitely got wood.
Amusing amazements
When a golden kitten plays with falling golden leaves, it’s amusing. When your morning glory gives your (old! worn out) pajamas a glory whole, it’s an amusing amazement. Plus I cannot keep the cat, but can always keep the rag.
I feel like
Wake up, drink coffee, go back to sleep. That’s one f*ck3d cycle! I am past the first two stages.
Casual remark
“I’m sorry, I have just had a sh!t-attack”, she casually said and that made me laugh.
Philosophical side-effects of making pretty
When I did what I did I had feared the process and ignored the consequences I am now reminded are without fail more ferocius. When one is already way in one’s thirties, one should trust common sense more and vanity less.
You are probably wondering what the heck is he talking again. Oh, well, I had my back waxed. Before too soon I was happy on my way, I had not reached my pain threshold and had my back as smooth as linoleum, ready for the cuddling weekend with my baby. But, damn those buttbabies making, since I am not living in a nudist colony I had to wear clothes. Despite calming balm and cotton t-shirts without inside labels… remember that Sex and City episode? it’s me! My back looks like a stellar map, only red. I have until Friday to make it go away. Oh, where is the Fairy Godmother when you need her him?
As for you kids, there is a life lesson in every waxing you take. You don’t believe me? then go read paragraph one again. Now, go play and be merry.
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